Losing Control

Losing It

In times of disagreement and conflict it can be easy for us to lose control of ourselves and just explode at the other person. For many this visceral response may be normal, almost instinctual.

But because we are in Christ we bear spiritual fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and—ahem—even self-control.

So how do we explain things like losing it with others, and what can we do about them?

Our brains love patterns, scripts, well-worn pathways of thought. Professional athletes practice simple skills over and over until their muscles remember how to reproduce them almost by instinct. We do this all the time too—some of us more than others. Routines we use so we don’t forget our keys are a good example.

The more we think in a particular way, the broader the pathway we establish. Initially we may have learned to react vociferously to disagreements as a response to trauma and pain. That may all be behind us, yet the mental script still plays. When something reminds us of, or feels like it’s about to result in, something painful, we lash out as we have become conditioned to do.

In conflict, loss of control may be the old script we have come to expect, and which the enemy is tempting us toward. He loves it when we respond ungraciously. He knows that it hurts and offends others and results in feelings of guilt and shame for us. That fits his plan of hindering our effectiveness in manifesting Jesus Christ to those around us.

Father has given us self-control. It’s one of the godly characteristics we inherited from Him when we were reborn. So are gentleness, kindness, patience, and compassion. These are the ways of the Spirit. When we remember this, we can begin to see the decision points between things that trigger us and our responses. Over time, we get better at this and old scripts and thought pathways get narrower and begin to be replaced by new ones.

Let’s ask Father to reveal these godly characteristics in us.
Let’s expect that their presence will come to be so real as to be taken for granted.
Let’s pray that He will continue the good work He has begun in us by making new mental patterns, new scripted routines, and new pathways of thought.