A Brief Testimony
A Brief Testimony
I grew up in the church. I was raised in one of the more legalistic denominations and taught that my salvation might be impermanent. I studied the Bible. I was trained as a lay minister and assigned to a church. I preached a legalistic message and grew angry with those who suggested any alternative view of the gospel than that to which I subscribed. I thought I had my theology all figured out. I most assuredly did not.
A tipping point came. Judgementalism, hypocrisy, and moral failure were rampant in the church. There were nagging problems where the Bible did not fit with the doctrine I had been taught. I struggled with various recurring sins. My attitudes were bad, and I did not care much about others. Things just did not add up. My faith did not work.
I spoke to Father about that. I said that if my faith was not going to work then I wanted no part of it. I told Him it was too much work. I cast off all the theology and doctrine I had been taught. All that was left was a simple belief that Jesus was the Christ, had died for my sins, and had arisen from the grave. For over a decade I lived a life indistinguishable from those in the world. I walked according to the flesh, and that had consequences. Flesh-life did not work either.
Slowly, gently, quietly, Father began to open my eyes to who He truly is. A scripture here, a song there, a little book, a radio broadcast. Over the course of about another decade He revealed Himself. He showed me my error. He reconstructed my theology. He replaced my doctrine. Then He began placing me back into teaching roles.
I am not a Christian apologist. I do not have the mind, the training, the philosophical predisposition, nor the patience for that. Neither am I an academic. I am simply a thinking believer who has spent many years going through the wringer of religion and who has come out on the other side with an unencumbered and more satisfying understanding of the gospel. “More satisfying” should not be taken to mean less rigorous in my view of scripture--if anything, the opposite is true. I believe great care should be taken in handling scripture. As a teacher, I need to get it as right as I am able.
My understanding of the gospel is more satisfying in that it resolves many of the conflicts I used to find in the theology I was taught. It is more satisfying in that it has smoothed out the futile roller-coaster life that I had come to hate. It is more satisfying because through it, Father has shown me that I have lasting victory in my areas of struggle. No amount of trying harder could ever do that. Trusting God and resting in the fact that He has done the work on my behalf did what I could never hope to do. It is more satisfying in that I now enjoy an intimate relationship with God.
In addition to Lord and Savior, I finally know Jesus as Brother, and Friend.
I am finally free to trust implicitly the love and kindness of my Father in heaven.
I finally “get” what it means to live by the Holy Spirit who lives in me.
Please do not misunderstand. I still have struggles. My Attitudes and actions are nobody’s idea of perfect. But I know the Guy who is, and I know that He will vouch for me.
